fuck trees i climb buoys motherfucker

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Reblog or your mom will die in 928 seconds.

stardusttx:

twirliest:

steampoweredplayer:

lollie-pond:

larryismyhallelujah:

thetasrose:

peachy-blisss:

myswagisnice:

I love my mom.

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I am risking nothing

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I AM SORRY FOLLOWERS, I LOVE MY MOMMY

Will not risk.

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sorry followers :(

omg im so glad to se so many people love their mummy

Why’re you being mean to my mum?

goddamn it

Nope. Googled it. 15 minuets. Nope. Not taking any chances

Koop

This has 1.2 million reblogs …
Ps not riskin it

1.4 almost
ps not risking it

about the blogger

BASICS:

name: Sam (I’m a lady tho)
birthday: May 10
zodiac: Taurus
single or taken: Single
height: 5’4
eye color: Hazel
middle name: Lynn
favorite color: Purple
lucky number: 3, 51

SPECIFICS/DETAILS:

hogwarts house: Hufflepuff 
favorite fictional character: Kara “Starbuck” Thrace
favorite television show: Of all time, Battlestar Galactica. Of right now? Game of Thrones or Broad City
favorite season: Summer
describe yourself in a few words: silly as fuck
future children’s names: Christopher (officially but probs actually “Kit”), Lenair, Jo Anne (first name Jo, middle name Anne)
meaning of your name: I was named after my grandfather. My first+last means “Strength of God; Bearer of Christ” whoops haha /agnostic
ultimate otp: Rachel/Tobias, Starbuck/Sam, Gilly/Sam (I TEND TO LIKE SAMS OKAY)
what do you plan to/do for a living: Comedy writer
starbucks order: UM I HAVE FOUR ORDERS OKAY. Iced chai with soy, Passion fruit iced tea, Iced coffee with soy and cinnamon dolce or gingerbread depending on what’s in season (lol syrups have a season), Spiced root beer (It’s warm year round where I live can you tell?)

THIS OR THAT:

introvert or  extrovert
dawn or dusk
righty or lefty
coffee or tea
rain or shine
reading or writing

(Source: hearmerhllor)

One: Buy condoms. Buy them and keep them with you at all times, and use them before you are asked to use them. And use them every time. The peace of mind you allow your partner will free her to be vulnerable with you, and that, my son, is exactly what sex is about. Condoms are sexy. In fact, call buying condoms foreplay.
(Footnote: If you are too embarrassed to buy condoms, you are not ready to have sex.)

Two: Kissing is not merely foreplay. Spend entire evenings making out on the couch while fully clothed. Believe me, dry-humping rocks.

Three: Sex is not just about friction. It’s about emotion. Stop trying to find her clitoris and find her heart. Because then she’ll help you find her clitoris.

Four: If you really wanna know how to please a woman, ask her how she masturbates. Then do that. A lot. If she claims she doesn’t masturbate, offer to take her shopping for a vibrator so you can both learn the vocabulary of her body together.

Five: Don’t put anything in her butthole you wouldn’t want in your own.
(Footnote: Try a pinky finger, it’s kinda awesome.)

Six: When you go down on her—and you will go down on her, and if you are my son, you will be amazing at it—tell her how good she tastes. Stop in the middle and kiss her deeply so she knows how good she tastes. Do the same when she goes down on you.

Seven: A simple Google search will yield 1,327 euphemisms for male masturbation, yet only 23 for female masturbation. If guys spent less time jacking off and more time jilling off, this world would be a happier place.

Eight: Everything you need to know about the importance of the clitoris is in the movie Star Wars. You are Luke Skywalker piloting your penis-shaped X-Wing Fighter deep inside her trench. Remember: seventy percent of all Death Stars cannot be blown up through penetration of the trench alone. It must be through focused contact with that little exhaust port at the top of the trench. Otherwise, any explosions you experience will be merely Hollywood special effects.

Nine: Just because you come doesn’t mean she has, so don’t you dare come before her. Focus completely on your partner. Don’t worry about gettin’ yours, you’re a guy. You always get yours. Your job is to make sure she’s gettin’ hers.

Ten: If sex with your partner lasts no longer than this poem, you are not making love. You are masturbating with her body instead of your hand. Shame on you. Go back to step one. You’ve got a lot of learning to do.
Love, Dad.

- Big Poppa E., “How To Make Love” (via kushandwizdom)

enterlameprofilename:

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Hawkward.

Other ships come and go, but I have shipped this ship since I was ten years old and I will continue to do so until I DIE. If you haven’t read these books you think I’m joking about some weird crack ship but if you are have read these books you are cryin’ at these beautiful tragic babies.

uncomfortablejazzodyssey:

I think all the game of thrones fan theories are wrong and that in the end the Drowned God turns out to be the right religion and he just wipes everyone out with a tsunami

sincerity:

the-outsiders-dishonor:

romy7:

celestialdeth:

misterkevo:

theadventuresofpam:

Harry was the favorite kid and he wasn’t even an official part of the family

Because Molly knows exactly how the Dursleys treat him. There’s no way Ron wouldn’t tell her. And Molly Weasley is a Mother. She gets a capital M because she is goddamn phenomenal at what she does. When she hears Harry Potter is on the train to Hogwarts in Book 1, her reaction isn’t to be starstruck. It’s to say “that poor dear had to come here all on his own.” Molly Weasley loves harder than anyone. She loves like it’s her sole reason for being. And when she hears there’s a poor boy who has never known love his whole life… how could she not?

In Year One Molly Weasley knit Harry a Weasley family sweater and made him homemade chocolate so he would have something to open on Christmas DON’T TOUCH ME

could I also just add that kids from abusive households tend to assume that yelling is directed at them and/or it heralds something bad for them so she’s making extra sure that he knows that this is not his fault and she’s not actually mad at him.

Molly Weasley might be my favorite character tbh

americanpride-southernside:

"And it is an interesting biological fact that all of us have in our veins the exact same percentage of salt in our blood that exists in the ocean… When we go back to the sea - whether it is to sail or to watch it - we are going back from whence we came." -John F. Kennedy

americanpride-southernside:

"And it is an interesting biological fact that all of us have in our veins the exact same percentage of salt in our blood that exists in the ocean… When we go back to the sea - whether it is to sail or to watch it - we are going back from whence we came." -John F. Kennedy

(Source: )

woww-e4:

my mad fat diary meme
[3/3] rae fantasies

what a powerful fucking scene, my god.

(Source: chloeharrris)

My father stood, walked to Jake’s side, and put his hand on his shoulder. “I don’t understand all of this, Jake. I don’t really know what happened to your parents. But until they come back…or…well, I want you to consider yourself part of our family.”

Jake’s mouth went tight. Yes, he was going to cry. I felt like I’d been punched in the stomach. If Jake lost it, I’d lose it. We’d all lose it. We’d all just break down into a sobbing, screaming, guilt-ridden terrified group. Kids. Adults. Hork-Bajir. Probably even Ax. 

Hold on, I mentally willed Jake. Hold on.

I saw Rachel watching him, her blue eyes wide with concern. Even her mother, not Jake’s biggest fan these days, seemed to be waiting for his reaction. The Hork-Bajir watched Toby. They would take their cue from her. But Toby’s eyes were glued on Jake. Her massive lower jaw jutted forward. Jake was the center. If the center didn’t hold…

It seemed like we waited for hours. But it was probably only thirty or forty seconds before Jake stood taller and expelled his breath in a long, steady stream. He met my eyes, then my dad’s. When he spoke, his voice was clear and strong.

- Cassie, #50

(Source: bubbley-boo)

SAM I AM SO EMOTIONAL ABOUT THAT GIFSET! It is so true, the series was awful but that scene was worth it and I STILL GET ALL HAPPY REMEMBER WHEN TOBIAS SHOWED UP!!

RIGHT?! RIGHT?!

I mean I feel the Animorphs fandom is not particularly divided as it is, but still, I think it’s worth noting we universally agree that the tv series was crap but that school dance scene was PERFECTION.

REMEMBER WHEN TOBIAS SHOWED UP?!

REMEMBER WHEN MARCO AND AX DANCED?!

REMEMBER WHEN JAKE WORE A SUIT THAT MADE HIM LOOK LIKE A BUTLER?!